Bump uglies with a sexy wristjob

Bump uglies with a sexy wristjob

Woah, woah, flippin WOAH. Fitness bands, that’s fine. Wearables that show notifications from my smartphone, that’s cool too. But a new wearable that monitors your sexual performance?? Just wait right there.


The new #LifeLoversWatch is now on the market for €99.90, which is £73.37. As with other fitness trackers, it’ll keep an eye on your exercise and sleep quality but the aluminum-made watch, which has a 64×48 OLED screen and 12 LED lights to track your daily goals, also monitors your lurve making too.

It’s available in black, violet, green and beige. It’s also, thankfully, washable too. Here’s their promo video…

The watch has four different operating modes. They’re mostly self-explanatory – g!fitness, g!sleep, g!ecological and g!love. The g!ecological mode, and I quote, “monitors your ecological footprint and raises awareness of how your lifestyle has an influence on the environment”. Riiiiiggggggggghhhhhtttt..

Bump uglies with a sexy wristjob

Although the watch is available, the accompanying app doesn’t seem to be quite ready yet.

As for that g!love mode, you’ll need to “activate it before the sexual act”, which I’m sure will delight your partner, and will track how many “calories and fat you’ve burned” plus how “intense” the act was. So, once you’ve bought the watch, putting the strap-on into action should give you everything you need. There’s details showing how long the “sexual act” was (I’m saying nothing at this point) and just how frequently you have sex on a weekly, monthly or yearly chart.

Geeksme’s Co-founder, Ángel Sánchez Díaz, tells us…

Learning our average sex times, how frequently we make love (it) can help everyone to get to know themselves better.

(The) Geeksme GME1 watch (lets) users learn about their sexual activity as a part of a self-learning process.

Never mind a reversing camera, watch your baby while you drive instead
Teen Developers – Gustaf Rosenblad