Protect your Crown Jewels with these super-pants!

We’ve all heard about wearable tech. It usually means a fitness tracker or a smartwatch perhaps, but today I’d like to introduce you to a pair of underpants.

Protect your Crown Jewels with these super pants!

Yes, pants. Sir Richard Branson describes them as “underpants for superheroes” and these “Wirelesss Armour” ones have been invented by a British scientist. See, these aren’t just normal pants, oh no. These have pure silver woven into the fabric to shield your love spuds against 99.9% of harmful electromagnetic radiation (EMR) emitted by Wi-Fi devices including smartphones and laptops.

Do you rest your laptop, tablet or phone on top of your dangly bits? Well, start worrying my friend, because the PR company tell me that 70 million couples are affected by infertility worldwide. The press release even goes on about vitro sperm motility dropping after being exposed to a mobile phone. I think they’re basically saying that using your phone too much is going to effect those “happy moments”. Usually it’s the other way around, but the inventor of these pants, Joseph Perkins, tells us..

With my Physics background I knew there must be a way to shield from electromagnetic radiation using a simple solution. Wireless Armour has been tested by an industry leader in wireless shielding and the results show that our fabric shields against 99.9% of the radiation emitted between 100MHz to 2.6GHz. Put simply, this covers the entire range of radiation emitted by wireless devices, from voice and text through to 4G and Wi-Fi, almost everything is blocked.

If you’re interested in protecting your meat and two veg, head to where you can shield your wedding tackle from harmful rays for between £24 – £35.

Note to PR Company – Please. Please, please, please. PLEASE don’t ask me to review these. PLEASE.


Oh, and I’ve not received payment for that photoshoot above. Ta.

Project Ara delayed.
The name's Mallow. Marshmallow. Android M finally named.