CrapApp Volume 1 – Hang Over.

We get asked to review a lot of apps here at Coolsmartphone. When I say a lot, I mean A LOT. Some of them aren’t up to much, and when you try to explain that an app that makes a noise when you press a button doesn’t warrant a review, you tend to get a snotty response.

To that end, I’m going to start a new feature which highlights those apps which really shouldn’t be available.

Screenshot 2014-05-14 at 22.38.53

So let’s see how we go with todays’ effort. This one is called “Hang Over” and is on Google Play. It is, say the makers, a “revolutionary” app which will, and they really did tell me this “help you cure and prevent hangovers”. Honestly, they appear to be serious. The free app is also “stunning in its simplicity” and is aimed at the college / university crowd.

Screenshot 2014-05-14 at 22.39.04

Now, their intention is for you to keep track of your drinking by clicking on the relevant icon as you down that particular drink. It’ll then “rate” your hangover in the morning, presumably predicting how rank you’re going to feel the next day. The developers, without laughing, have told me that the app is perfect for..

Those who need to drink without a hangover ruining the next day. Friday and Saturday nights don’t have to lead to painful Saturday and Sunday mornings anymore!
Using Hang Over is extremely easy, giving you the ability to easily prevent a hangover.

No. No no no. I’ll tell you what this will actually happen with this app. It’ll be one of these

1 – You’ll use it to show your mates just how much you had to drink last night, so you’ve got some sort of evidence on how mashed up you actually got.
2 – You’ll start using it but then, after the seventh vodka and coke, you’ll be on the bar singing, “I’m a little teapot” naked. You won’t know where your phone is.
3 – Your mates will notice you using it, then point and laugh because you’re being a pussy.

Screenshot 2014-05-14 at 22.38.41

Sure download it if you want. What do I care. It’s got water and sports drinks on there too. GUESS WHAT!! THEY WON’T GIVE YOU A HANGOVER!!

Do we need apps to tell us the bloody obvious? Apparently we do because we’re all too ruddy stupid to have any common sense.

The basic rules are..

- Drink lots of beer, wine and shots. You’ll wake up feeling like pants. If you’re lucky, you may not be wearing any pants.

- Drink water and soft drinks. You’ll wake up OK.

How long have we all known this? It’s like sleeping with an old girlfriend. Sure, it feels brilliant when you’re doing it, but the next morning you wake up and suddenly remember why it was all a very, very bad idea.

Thank you everyone. I’ve been Captain Obvious. Good night.